I knew last night was off to a bad start when I started trying to juggle my hoagi, 12 oz. (hot) coffee, and debit card at the Wawa register. Lucky for me, the item I lost control of was the debit card. When I offered a joke about my clumsiness and opened the door for the Wawa employee and the lady next in line to laugh at me, neither of them even acknowledged that I'd spoken. That's when the nervous giggles started.
I arrive at the restaurant and shortly thereafter the phone rings. I immediately pick it up and say, "Hello Roger Forss Off---" when I realize should have said, "Hello Carmen's" so I just completely stop talking. The man on the other end of the phone says, "Oh, I'm sorry -- I was trying to reach Carmen's Restaurant..." at which point I WOULD have instantly hung up were it not for the fact that my cousin and my aunt (owner of said restaurant) were standing right there. The 50 people waiting in line to be seated are staring at me, my cousin is staring at me, my AUNT is staring at me and I don't know what else to do so I just start laughing and say, "Actually... you did..." As it turns out, there's really no smooth way to recover from a situation like that. Anyway, he asks his question and I was obviously very anxious to get him off of the phone because I thought he said goodbye, so I tell him to have a good night, when I realize that what actually happened is that he asked me how long the WAIT was. Again, if this had happened at home or even at my dad's office, I would have 'accidentally' hung up at this point. But sadly, I could do no such thing and I was forced to continue the most awkward phone conversation I'd had in a long time. By the REAL end of the phone call I was just hoping that he would decide to stay home and microwave a TV dinner.
For the rest of the evening, every time this phone call popped into my head I would just start cracking up. It didn't matter if I was in the middle of seating a customer, if I was walking around alone, or if I was in the bathroom stall. I'm sure more than one customer thought I was certifiably insane tonight.
Then, this surfer dude comes up to me to ask me where the bathroom is. I say, "Go straight down towards the lattice work and make a left... the bathroom will be on your left." He looks at me with a completely blank expression and asks, "Huh?" So, I repeat myself. He doesn't look any closer to understanding what I'm saying so I ask, "Am I talking too fast?" to which he says, "No." I'm starting to wonder if he can't hear me because his hair is covering his ears when the prom-queen-hostess cuts in and offers alternate directions, "Go down to the sandbox and make a left." This suddenly clears everything up for him. Prom Queen then looks at me and asks, "Did you say to make a left at the DINOSAUR?" and Surfer Dude nods his head and says, "Yeah, that's what it sounded like to me too." I'm not sure how I resisted saying, "Yeah, because LATTICE WORK and DINOSAUR sound so similar... " And I mean, really... why would an Italian SEAFOOD restaurant have a random dinosaur in it? And if there WERE a dinosaur, wouldn't it be visible to the naked eye? The Prom Queen then says, "What IS lattice work anyway?" It turns out that Surfer Dude didn't know what it was either. The lady who was paying for her dinner looked at me and we both smirked. Somehow I managed to keep my mouth shut and just smile.
Speaking of the bathroom, the final disaster happened as I was trying to leave the ladies room. There is a very narrow hallway leading to the bathrooms and I've always been cautious about opening the door in case someone might be walking by. Tonight, however, I whipped that baby open and smacked the living daylights out of some guy walking by. I didn't even realize what happened until I heard the guy go, "Oh sh%*!!" I did my best to hold back my nervous giggles as I asked if he was ok and tried to make my apology sound geniune. Unfortunately, I don't think you sound truly sorry when you start laughing and a snort slips out. He just gave me a strange look and walked away.
I arrive at the restaurant and shortly thereafter the phone rings. I immediately pick it up and say, "Hello Roger Forss Off---" when I realize should have said, "Hello Carmen's" so I just completely stop talking. The man on the other end of the phone says, "Oh, I'm sorry -- I was trying to reach Carmen's Restaurant..." at which point I WOULD have instantly hung up were it not for the fact that my cousin and my aunt (owner of said restaurant) were standing right there. The 50 people waiting in line to be seated are staring at me, my cousin is staring at me, my AUNT is staring at me and I don't know what else to do so I just start laughing and say, "Actually... you did..." As it turns out, there's really no smooth way to recover from a situation like that. Anyway, he asks his question and I was obviously very anxious to get him off of the phone because I thought he said goodbye, so I tell him to have a good night, when I realize that what actually happened is that he asked me how long the WAIT was. Again, if this had happened at home or even at my dad's office, I would have 'accidentally' hung up at this point. But sadly, I could do no such thing and I was forced to continue the most awkward phone conversation I'd had in a long time. By the REAL end of the phone call I was just hoping that he would decide to stay home and microwave a TV dinner.
For the rest of the evening, every time this phone call popped into my head I would just start cracking up. It didn't matter if I was in the middle of seating a customer, if I was walking around alone, or if I was in the bathroom stall. I'm sure more than one customer thought I was certifiably insane tonight.
Then, this surfer dude comes up to me to ask me where the bathroom is. I say, "Go straight down towards the lattice work and make a left... the bathroom will be on your left." He looks at me with a completely blank expression and asks, "Huh?" So, I repeat myself. He doesn't look any closer to understanding what I'm saying so I ask, "Am I talking too fast?" to which he says, "No." I'm starting to wonder if he can't hear me because his hair is covering his ears when the prom-queen-hostess cuts in and offers alternate directions, "Go down to the sandbox and make a left." This suddenly clears everything up for him. Prom Queen then looks at me and asks, "Did you say to make a left at the DINOSAUR?" and Surfer Dude nods his head and says, "Yeah, that's what it sounded like to me too." I'm not sure how I resisted saying, "Yeah, because LATTICE WORK and DINOSAUR sound so similar... " And I mean, really... why would an Italian SEAFOOD restaurant have a random dinosaur in it? And if there WERE a dinosaur, wouldn't it be visible to the naked eye? The Prom Queen then says, "What IS lattice work anyway?" It turns out that Surfer Dude didn't know what it was either. The lady who was paying for her dinner looked at me and we both smirked. Somehow I managed to keep my mouth shut and just smile.
Speaking of the bathroom, the final disaster happened as I was trying to leave the ladies room. There is a very narrow hallway leading to the bathrooms and I've always been cautious about opening the door in case someone might be walking by. Tonight, however, I whipped that baby open and smacked the living daylights out of some guy walking by. I didn't even realize what happened until I heard the guy go, "Oh sh%*!!" I did my best to hold back my nervous giggles as I asked if he was ok and tried to make my apology sound geniune. Unfortunately, I don't think you sound truly sorry when you start laughing and a snort slips out. He just gave me a strange look and walked away.
Call me crazy, but I knew it was going to be an interesting night as soon as my debit card hit the floor at Wawa.
LOL
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